Memory! by Keshav | Apr 6, 2020 | Community Insights | 12 commentsI realize that memory is about how life felt, not about how it was (or appeared to be).12 Comments Keshav Howe on May 2, 2020 at 8:18 PM Taking a break from my addiction to following commentary about life, makes room for life to flow through me. That certainly changes how that me perceives life. When my attention is fixated on figuring everything out, it seems like life is happening to me. For that me, the state of not-knowing (uncertainty) is oftentimes experienced as an endless hell. And, yet, there is a knowing that the me that seems to to be falling apart, is actually coming together! Hum… ceejaypea on April 21, 2020 at 5:46 AM Thank you, Keshav, for “The desire for security and the feeling of insecurity are the same.” So obvious, and yet what a punch when reading it. Namaste. Keshav Howe on April 20, 2020 at 1:16 PM Cooperating with grace is a mix of inspiration and perspiration. The bottom line is that my "Keshav" character has to learn to relax and get out of the way of the true light of awareness. He will never wake up, or attain anything; his job is to gracefully learn how to surrender to this fluid universe. Such an act of faith is learning to stop taking a stand and allowing oneself to be swept away by life's uncertainties. The desire for security and the feeling of insecurity are the same. sasanijjs on April 20, 2020 at 11:34 AM Last nights session was a reminder that mind puts up a barrier when death is knocking at the door. Personalizing this agitation has put me in a position to forget how wonderful that space of nothingness feels. Luckily mind gets to a point where suffering is even too much. I was told at the very beginning of this process that we can either go for the ride or get dragged. Joe is too painful of a story to keep up forever. Keshav Howe on April 18, 2020 at 8:42 AM Change = Creativity skhoury on April 16, 2020 at 5:21 AM Happy Birthday to Missy, Diane!! I cannot comment on that group page, it keeps wanting me to log in, and I have already. Thx for all the shares of support last week too. You guys are so beautiful. I hope I did not miss anyone’s else’s birthday. I am so grateful to be here in this web with you all. I am working on showing up and being a true team member. Having shared that…slowing down and having support…feeling calmer, yet some grieving coming with that slow down. I have had lot’s of trouble sticking to things all my life. I want to heal that. I don’t know what that is about, but I recognize it fully today, that is a good beginning. So being present, along with support, feels like the only way to truly be home in presence. Cannot do it alone, and why would I want too. LOVE skhoury on April 14, 2020 at 7:23 AM Yes, thx Keshav…in this moment…if I'm in fear, its due to old past stimuli. I so appreciate our sessions, especially that 1st one when I was in that severe panic. You knew immediately where I was. "Drowning in a river with no ground." Diane on April 9, 2020 at 9:53 AM Interesting how familiar circumstances trigger the feelings of memory of similar circumstances from another time bound experience. When this occurs it is an opportunity to explore and experience the emotion with new perspectives in the present moment. I love how I am able to identify a memory in the present moment and experience it with new eyes – truly seeing. Betty on April 8, 2020 at 3:54 PM I want to clarify, an adult did something awful and the said, “Now do you see what you made me do?” The guilt stays with me to this day, even though I certainly did not cause that adult to what they did. I don’t like to be told not to feel angry, sad, or for that matter have people tell me I shouldn’t cry. I understand that other people may wish I wouldn’t feel those things as it makes them uncomfortable. Keshav Howe on April 8, 2020 at 2:54 PM For me, where this gets tricky is that I have been taught to reject some feelings (labelled bad) and accept some feelings (labelled good). And, yet, there is a knowing that If all feelings are allowed – there is no inherent conflict. It really pisses me off when someone says: "don't be angry" or "don't be sad." It is important to feel guilty! If not, I am filtering life through my time bound idea about guilt and not the raw urgency and immediacy of the feeling of quilt. Betty on April 8, 2020 at 1:43 PM I find one of my traumatic memories is about the feelings I experienced: shock, horror, sorrow and guilt and then it just stops short. When it happened I was a small child and I become a small child again in my remembering. So, even though I do know that it actually did happen, I now have information that helps explain what was happening and I know now that I don’t need to feel guilty. My child’s understanding is informed by the adult me. On the other hand, with less intense memories I find that the information may morph and get mixed up with other memories so that I cannot know for sure if I am remembering it exactly as it happened. There is only the remembrance of how I felt. I remember in the 1950’s the sit-coms that would show a scene and then replay the scene with each participating characters retelling their experience of the scene. Of course they all had a personal point of view which affected how they remembered what happened. Great example of this phenomena. sasanijjs on April 6, 2020 at 1:55 PM My varying interpretations of moments or thoughts have been based on a sense of agitation vs calm. As I have established a relationship with the “empty” space, those moments have revealed their true nature. Mind has been hooking on more to the idea that each moment is uniquely present. In other words , “now” can always be experienced openly which dramatically shifts minds capacity to label a memory.